Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
