Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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