my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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