that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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