There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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