i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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