spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
