It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
