I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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