You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
