i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
