You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
