we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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