How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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