Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who died my cat blue again?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
