I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize