Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
