Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
