you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
