That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize