all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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