you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
