I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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