Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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