It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
