i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
