i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
