It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's always time for handjobs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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