Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
