At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
