In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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