Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
