Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
