do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
