remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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