im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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