dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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