just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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