I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
