Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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