You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
