Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
