whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
