I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
