God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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