Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
