I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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