i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
