Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
time to smoke my breakfast
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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