Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
