I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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