Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
