So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
