Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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