I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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