I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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