Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
