If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
