They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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