you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
