I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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