Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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