I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
