I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
