Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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