Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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