oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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