You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
