Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you will always have a special place in my vag
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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