Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
