i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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