also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
