I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize