Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
