So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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