I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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