I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize