There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
