I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
