dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
