that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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