I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
