This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
