She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
