"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
