meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
