I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
