I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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