I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
