That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
