Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
