allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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