i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
