hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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