Non-Jews are for practice
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
