remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
