i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
