I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
