New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
