I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
