once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
