You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just cut my nipple shaving
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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