dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
