The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
