Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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