I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
