You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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