Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
