Swine flu. Run for my life!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
