Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
