he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
