My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My cat gives me a boner
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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